Red vs. Blue: Sarge and Church’s Guide to Gaming Online | Rooster Teeth

Red vs. Blue: Sarge and Church’s Guide to Gaming Online | Rooster Teeth


Church: Hi, I’m Private Church from the popular web series Red Vs. Blue. Sarge: And I’m Sarge, from the same show. Y’know, back in my day, multiplayer gaming used to be a little different. Church: Now, in the modern days of gaming, you don’t even have to know a single person to get together an awesome match. Sarge: However in some point in your life, you’ll find yourself sittin’ down on a couch, next to some other people, for some good ol’ fashion gamin’. Church: And these in-person encounters can be rather awkward. If you’re not prepared. Sarge: That’s why we would like to present our handy guide, The Gamer Etiquette! Church: The place where you’re most likely to run into problems, is the dreaded controller hand-off. Sarge: When your friend hands you a controller, you are likely to run into a few possible problems. The first being what’s known as: The Hot and Wetties. Church: Intense gaming can produce higher heart rates and thus, higher body temperatures. Sarge: And thus sloppy, sweaty palms preheating your controller into a steamy, moist smush factory. Church: This may be a level of intimacy for which you are unprepared. Sarge: To protect yourself, we recommend packing a set of fingerless gloves to any LAN party. They’re fashionable, and they’ll leave your fingers free for successful playing! Church: Annnd more importantly to prevent the unwanted transfer of human warmth from your friend, to you, thus fueling your body using his metabolic process. Which when you think about it, is kinda gross. Sarge: When you say it like that, it IS gross. Church: And also so you don’t have a situation where you get covered in your friend’s moist hand slime. Sarge: Also it’s possible that your friend will let you borrow their own controller to play the game. This may also cause an- unfortunate situation. Church: The existence of shitty third-party controllers means that your friend will be faced with a choice: He can give you the nice, first-party controller, Sarge: Or he can settle you with the extra-small controller made of some kind of- plastic-paper-hybrid with four triggers and rhythm game attachments. Church: But, even in a situation where the controllers are the same and equally as good, you can still encounter some uncomfortable situations. Sarge: The worst of the scenarios is the dreaded inversion discovery! Church: Let’s just say you like your controller to be the NORMAL setting, where up is up, and down is down. Sarge: And why wouldn’t you? Church: Sarge, we’re not here to pass judgement. But let’s just say your friend, prefers an inverted controller scheme. Where down is up, and up is down. Sarge: What is with some people?!? Church: Sarrrrrrge. Now, discovering that your friend prefers the opposite controller scheme, can be one of the strongest tests of any friendship. Sarge: It may cause you to question everything you know about the person! How can they think in this backward manner?!? Are they retarded? DO I KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THEM AT ALL!?! ARE THEY RETARDED!?! Church: The important thing is to not react too quickly. This is no good for anyone. Sarge: Butttttt, take some time, contemplate what you’ve learned about your friend, and yourself, Maybe the way you looked at the world has been wrong all this time! Church: Who knows? Maybe you’ll find that, uh, an inverted controller just makes sense. I mean, that’s how planes work, right? Sarge: Most games aren’t flying games though. What about driving games? Church: Driving games don’t have an up and down. Sarge: Yeah! But they could! Church: Then they would be flying games! Sarge: What about FPS? You don’t look up in real life to look down! Church: You don’t use a controller in real life! Sarge: Shut up, Blue. Church: Oh hey Sarge, this is for you. Church: Check it out, buddy. Sarge: Ah, flipping me off, huh? WHY DIDN’T YOU POINT YOUR FINGER DOWN!?! THAT WOULD MAKE MORE SENSE! HAH! Church: Oh, shut up.


4 thoughts on “Red vs. Blue: Sarge and Church’s Guide to Gaming Online | Rooster Teeth

  1. This tips would have been helpful if actually owned and played a Halo game and owned an XBox so as to not wait till I see my friends.

  2. Inverted is the only thing that makes sense. You are moving a head/ view window up and down, not pointing at something. The fact that they ever added non-inverted to video games is a travesty (all old games were inverted by default because that's the only way that makes logical sense).

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