Melo’s Time in Houston Turns Into a Nightmare | Game Of Zones S6E4

Melo’s Time in Houston Turns Into a Nightmare | Game Of Zones S6E4

So the key here again is spacing. I need you in the corner, and if your man so much as looks my way, then I’m going to get it to you. Then I go up for three. Yes. But ’tis merely a pump fake! No I pull the ball down! I step over the line. No I back down the big for a contested fadeaway two from the elbow. No. That’s exactly what you shouldn’t do Chris, you know I can hit that shot over anybody All day It’s not about hitting shots It’s about hitting EFFICIENT shots Ugh, not you too with this efficiency fad Whatever happened to the days when knights would go one-on-one, mano-y-mano in the paint, in a slow, grinding duel? Melo… if you want a role here on House Rockets you must understand the system. Study the analytics I study plenty! Carmelo, please I remember when you used to be fun! Whatever happened to Banana Boat Chris? He learned how to win And he wants to teach his friend, so they can win together. I want to win…it’s just… it’s all so boring these days Analytics, efficiency, defense… Hm, you know what? Come with me. I want to show you something Whoa Ah, Carmelo! Welcome to the Johnson Spacing Center Here, our Maesters test the frontiers of knowledge to give House Rockets a competitive edge What’s that? Why, that’s our namesake. The rocket. We value long-range weaponry here House Rockets has never shied away from experimentation Some produce incredible results And others…. not so much. What is this for? Ah, that was Yao Ming’s chamber pot Melo, have a look at this What is that? Those are moons orbiting another world Makes you think… you might not be the center of the universe after all Huh, so you’re saying I’m just another planet? No. He’s saying you are a moon James Harden is the planet Well, actually, Chris, I am a star. And stars should be STARters Melo …just needs a headband And I’m gonna put a hoodie here Melo, you’re not getting it— You know, I bet the only reason I’m not starting is because D’Antoni’s still bitter about New York. No, no, no… he’s just working off the Model The Model? It’s not possible I can’t just shoot 30 threes a game Look right here, James. If the Model is correct, you could TRIPLE your offense and pull us out of this slump But what if I miss them? I could go 0-for-27 myself! Ah, but James… what if you make them? Aagh! What the— Carmelo? What are you doing here? Carmelo is interested in the Model Really? Analytics? Melo? OK… This is the Model We feed her data, and she gives us answers untainted by human bias. Huh, why does she have six arms? …And four boobs? Well, she was designed by a bunch of nerds who, let’s just say…haven’t had too much experience with the anatomy of a female Carmelo, you have to understand this machine it…doesn’t care about your feelings The Model only knows pure analytics If this thing truly knows basketball, then I should have nothing to fear. Show me how it works These are your career stats. Let’s feed them in. Hope she likes empty calories OK. Model… should Ser Carmelo be in the Hall of Fame? Ah, look at that. First ballot Brilliant. Now, I want to know what my role here should be May I? Oh, uh, sure! Take it away Model… what should be my role on House Rockets? He should’ve dunked that. He had the lane. This Model is nothing but a hater! How does this bloody thing even work? Don’t, Carmelo That’s where the computers are Computers? What’s a computer? Melo, don’t—oh The computers do all the calculations needed to run the Model. Oh, do they? Well, do any of you even watch basketball?! You don’t have a good VORP W-why—what’s with their eyes?! These poor souls witnessed the dark ages of basketball in the early aughts. The endless post plays. The long twos. Ser Jordan on the Wizards After a second Finals appearance by House Nets, they couldn’t bear it any longer. They gouged out their eyes But on a positive note, it turns out they’re perfect for doing double-blinded analytics Many became computers The rest became referees I don’t like your true shooting… All right. Well, we really should get going, though. You’re beginning to taint their judgment Oh, you feel taller in person Get off me! Ser Carmelo, can you sign my abacus? -No! I need to get out of here
-Nice boots! I like your boots This is madness! Well if you’d settle your emotional response, you’d see it’s all quite logical, really. No…no…this is all wrong Your cold, heartless numbers know nothing of my value Anyone with eyes can see the beauty of my game A 10-time All-Star behind PJ Tucker, really? Marquese Chriss, actually— Well I refuse to accept it, and I’ll never accept it! Why did you even bring me here?! Because you’re worth the risk… at the veteran minimum Carmelo, Lord Morey has given you a chance, and it may be the only one you have left Well, that’s ridiculous. I just need the ball. I can still take any knight one-on-one! Just give me the rock and I’ll— Oh, what. C’mon, he f–ked me in New York Hm…interesting Oh, Seven Hells…Austin Rivers? Kyle, wake up! Kyle! Kyle! Norman? What are you doing? Game of Zones. There’s a new Game of Zones out. A new Game of Zones? Why didn’t anyone tell me? Well you just…you got to subscribe, and they notify you… Kawhi is already watching it! They did Melo dirty

100 thoughts on “Melo’s Time in Houston Turns Into a Nightmare | Game Of Zones S6E4

  1. These are your career stats let's feed them in…. Deantoni I Hope it can count calories 😂😂😂😂😂

  2. Melo makes shot in trash basket.

    James Harden: “He should of dunked that he had the lane.”

    🤦🏾‍♂️ so disrespectful.

  3. So let me get this strait. Analytics is nerds revenge for not being talented enough to play so they had to wait for a guy like Steph to open up the gate way for less physically talented players that have to rely on running around and shooting?

  4. Lol wow too funny , this Is about as accurate as you can get in Carmelo Anthony last days in Houston , I bet they wish They had him back on the team after losing to house Warriors once again

  5. I love the arguement that even the same analytic crowd that drove Melo out of the league says to admit that going by the numbers they love so much, Melo has had a 1st ballot HOF career. These GoZ episodes are lowkey savage to all of the popular/unpopular opinions on NBA Twitter.

  6. I love the little Easter eggs they put in each episode. How many of ya'll booked the Travis Scott Astroworld Easter egg?

  7. How is no one talking about when Melo threw the paper in the trash and Harden said “He should’ve dunked that… he had a lane” 😂😂

  8. Melo is B Grade bitch ass punk , who needs to be in the D league. He is selfish ,has bad defense , and destroys team chemistry if someone gets the spotlight or plays good . This punk needs to be out of the NBA .

  9. Dear Bleacher Report,

    Please make a special episode about this free agency period. It was truly the most wildly historic NBA event in recent memory. The people shouldn't wait until April to enjoy your comical interpretation of it. Please give us this gift!


    Faithful GOZ fan.

  10. Love that they included a reference to Charles' diss about analytics guys not getting girls in high school

  11. This show has really good world building and music. Super impressive fantasy show in addition to a sports parody.

  12. Who's here after Westbrook got traded to the Rockets? Imagine GoZ doing a segment with Westbrook in the Johnson Spacing Center. It's gonna be hilarious!!!!

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