Game Theory: Beyond Fidget Spinners – How to Create a YouTube Trend

Game Theory: Beyond Fidget Spinners – How to Create a YouTube Trend


Big payday, big payday big payday *overlapping noises* Enough noise Today I’m exposing the facts about how YouTube’s black box actually works (Game Theory Theme Song) Hello Internet, Welcome to Game Theory. The show that occasionally throws the game part of the title out the window to expose the secrets of YouTube And today is one of those days. Now, a few episodes ago, I talked about how the YouTube algorithm unintentionally helped to explode Minecraft. and all the YouTube channels covering the game, one diamond minecart at a time. And the fact that the YouTube algorithm can make or break, not just creators but entire businesses, *cough cough* SCOTT CAWTHON *cough cough* FIDGET SPINNERS made me want to go a lot deeper and a whole lot more specific for all you creators who watch this show. Now at this point most of you know that Steph and I help other YouTubers optimize their channels and we get literally THOUSANDS of requests from you to help over email, in person at conventions, even creepy notes left in our mailbox. Which legitimately was a thing that happened one time in the past. Please don’t ever do that again that was, kinda weird. It was also unsigned which was just added to the creepiness factor, overall it was a very thoughtful note and also just very disturbing to receive in your mail I know you had the best of intentions, but it was unmarked, unaddressed, written in code and had literally been left physically in my mailbox So, that meant that you found out where we lived and that you kind of creepily hung out in front… let’s
try to avoid that in the future thanks needless to say a lot of you are looking
for help and you’re asking for it all over the place and while we’d physically
love to it just takes so much time that there’s no way that we could possibly
help everyone. I’d never get actual theories about games done. so because of
that we’re always looking for ways to give the largest number of you the
secret tips that we’ve learned over the years since at the end of the day it
empowers all of you to create better smarter videos and so to that end Steph
and I are actually doing a whole presentation on the secrets of the
algorithm at VidCon this year as well as a separate GT live LIVE which I hope to
see you all at but even if every single person at VidCon came to our session
every single screaming Logan Paul fan there showed up to one of our events
that still only be about 40,000 people that’s only 0.5% of the total
subscribers to this one Channel and you have to go and pay a lot of money to go
to VidCon but this is really information that shouldn’t be held in
behind a paywall and should be available for everyone to know because we’re a
community of creators and the algorithm affects us all on a personal level like
a REALLY personal level. like a “am I gonna pay my rent this month” kind of
personal level which is a kind of a big personal level so for those of you who
blew your money on the switch already have a favorite YouTube channel that
you’re hoping to help grow or who go to VidCon but end up spending the whole
time at Disneyland first of all I don’t blame you those Mickey pretzels are
delicious but more importantly this is a special episode dedicated to you guys to
anyone who’s ever wanted to learn more about YouTube, how it works, or how their
favorite creators got to be where they are
and how you can be the next Mark, Felix, Jack, Jake, Logan, Liza, Lilly, or Lou! just uh-
just not matpat there can only be one MatPat. first let’s get one thing straight:
THIS IS NOT SPECULATION. so no more myths, no more hearsay, not
even (dare I say it) not even theories these are the secrets of the algorithm delivered
by the people who made it themselves Google. (DUN DUN DUN!) that’s right. a few months ago
while trolling through the bowels of the Google research website, which is what we do
for fun, we stumbled across a research paper published last year that actually
explains the real YouTube recommended algorithm uncovering the code that
unlocks all that stuff that shows up on your home screen when you log in. yeah
this is the real deal delivered in the absolute driest way possible: an
engineering research paper. that’s like the plain rice cake of the literary world.
this stuff is worse than reading Hemingway but I’m here to decode it for
you in a way that I haven’t seen done anywhere else and I mean that. I’ve been
talking about the YouTube algorithm since 2012 and in 2014,
get this, a real YouTube employee told me that there are so many pieces to the
YouTube algorithm that “no single person knows how the entire algorithm
works” that is a real line from a real guy who should know the real
stuff. real scary, right? seems like the YouTube people should probably know
what’s going on on their own platform it’d be like if Henry Ford was like oh yeah
there’s a lot of doohickeys in that car engine but who are we to say
what they really do. but understanding the engineering behind the algorithm
shows why this is possible. no one person can predict everything about the
algorithm and it’s on purpose. YouTube has become way too big and YouTube user
behavior is so unique to each individual viewer that no human can handle all that
data. so now the YouTube algorithm works by what’s known as machine learning.
which, at its core, is basically a kind of artificial intelligence. you see, this
whole time we’ve been talking about it wrong. I think when anyone on YouTube
says “the YouTube algorithm” people just assume it works like a formula. if X then
Y. if YouTube’s algorithm is optimizing for likes I put in a video that begs for
likes and I get more views out. but it’s not nearly that simple in reality it’s
taking a bunch of different data points. X’s and Y’s and Z’s to calculate what
gets more views. so we need to stop talking about it like it’s a formula and
instead start thinking about it like what it truly is. two neural networks. you see, a neural network, at least as it matters here, is just a filter with a
bunch of different layers. like how rhett and Link pee into a jar then drink each
other’s urine through a straw filled with a bunch of different filtration
layers to get a warm, slightly salty, still kind of urine flavored water on
the other end. the urine, in this example, are all the videos on YouTube. *laughs* there’s an
analogy for you. them sucking into the straws is someone looking for a video to
watch and YouTube’s neural networks are the little hollow filtration fibers
inside that straw. the fibers get progressively smaller and smaller
filtering out, first, big particles like dirt and salt and then finer things like
bacteria and parasites until you get to awkwardly warm clean water on the other
end. that’s you, dankymemes47! that warm water Rhett just spit of his mouth?
that is your video! you want them to be retching on your slightly salty warm
urine soaked video. so where are these two filters and how can you, and the next
video that you make, get your way through them? well the first neural network is
called YouTube’s candidate generator which is happily not a machine that pumps out
Trump and Clinton clones. it’s just a fancy word for the filter that takes all the
zillions of videos floating around in YouTube’s urine jar and narrows them
down to just a few hundred. the second one is called the ranking
filter and it’s like your own personal YouTube scorecard. it’s the one that
takes those few hundred videos that YouTube thinks you might like and turns them
into the top one or two ‘YouTube is REALLY sure that you will like’ and then
they’ll stick those on the recommended list at the top of your page. so what do
you need to do to get through these filters and make it into Link’s mouth?
well let’s start with the candidate generator. how to beat out the other
billion possible videos to make it into the top 100. well first you should know
some history. according to Google, this filter used to be shallow. it used to
only look at one thing and one thing only: what else had that
viewer watched? so if you watched five Orbeez videos this
week your recommended feed would be more full of Orbeez than guava juices bathtub.
and I’m guessing some other places just saying, those balls are small!
they’ll get all up in there. The problem is that people on YouTube end up watching a lot of one-off
videos. I mean sure I’ll watch a single $1 versus ten thousand dollar fidget
spinner video, learn that they’re all crappy clickbait because no one has the
actual cojones to spend that kind of money on a fidgets spinner, and then
never click on another one again. instead of spending ten thousand dollars on a
diamond spinner I’ll just stick with my high-quality well-balanced and
affordable official game theory spinner available only for a limited time for
less than $10!! we have the link in the description below and if you’re totally
over ‘sweet spins bro,’ then check out the other awesome game theory shirts and
backpack!!! only available for one more week! and also I’m signing some of them
so maybe you’ll get lucky and get something extra special that you can
either cherish forever or resell on eBay. either way I respect it. regardless, that
bit of shameless self-promotion is to show that on YouTube people tend to
watch one video out of curiosity, like the diamond spinner or bee movie meme
videos, but then never want to watch another of that type again. but under
the old system all they would see would be more of that sort of video. more
videos about expensive fidget spinners. as such, YouTube needed to take more
into account than just search history and now it does. just take it straight
from Google: “a key advantage of using deep neural networks as a
generalization of matrix factorization is that arbitrary continuous and
categorical features can be easily added to the model. search history is
treated similarly to watch history – each query is tokenized into unigrams and bigrams
and each token is embedded. once averaged the user’s tokenized embedded queries
represent a summarized dense search history.” Hah hah! yep that gobbledygook is what we read for fun around here. in English, what all
that garbage means is that it prioritizes two main factors: what you’ve
searched for recently and where you’ve spent the most watch time. but what’s any
of this mean for you dankeymemes47? well it’s why trends like fidget
spinners or bee movie or “we are number one” memes are hitting so much harder than
past years. if you watch one video out of curiosity, YouTube will send you a bunch
more because you showed interest in the subject recently and when someone
creates a fidget spinner video looking like this, one that everyone clicks on
because it looks so cool, it reactivates everyone in YouTube’s algorithm for the
phrase “fidget spinners,” thus prolong the trend another week or so. as such don’t
title your video ‘good times’ or ‘let’s play part 62’ use searchable words. proper
names (and) catchphrases. in other words stuff that people will be searching for and
will be in other video titles. because if what people are searching for match what’s
in your title and tags, you have a much better shot at popping up in someone’s
recommended place. that’s the power of RECENCY. but there’s also the factor of
time. create something longer. that two minutes skyrim remix ain’t going to get
you recommended. come on danky! there’s not enough watch time there, especially
when you’re competing with stuff like 30 minute let’s play videos and twenty one
minute hairstyle compilations or one hour vine compilations. to get through that
filter, the most important thing is watch time. so create things that people are
going to want to watch for a long amount of time. some of the other factors in the
candidate generator are demographics let’s go back to that plain rice cake
and hear what it has to say. “demographic features are important for providing
priors so that the recommendations behave reasonably for new users. the users geographic region and device are embedded and concatenated. simple binary and continuous features, such as the
users gender, logged in state and age are input directly into the network as real
values normalized to it” don’t you dare take that
gibberish lightly. there’s a reason why toy unboxing videos have 19 million
views apiece. they’re not fooling anyone about who their audience is. when channels
we consult for say that their audience is *everyone*! heart stars and horseshoes!
we’re so inclusive! oh no you are so wrong. that is a big red flag to us when
the YouTube algorithm specifically filters by all your audience
demographics. by trying to appeal to everyone, you’re a lot more likely to
reach no one. and last, but certainly not least, to make it through this first
filter, and still only the first filter… sorry to say that you’re going to have
to get in while the getting’s good once again, two quotes: ” ‘freshness: YouTube has a
very dynamic corpus with many hours of video that are uploaded per second. the
recommendation system should be responsive enough to model newly
uploaded content as well as the latest actions taken by the user… recommending
this recently uploaded ‘fresh’ content is extremely important for YouTube as a
product. we consistently observe that users prefer fresh content…” blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah. YouTube uses the word *freshness* a whole lot when it’s
talking about content which, personally, makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. makes
me feel like YouTube is going through my videos and squeezing them to judge them…
like mangoes or other ripening fruit. (in voice) get your hands off my melons YouTube! but think about it.
youtube wants to show you what’s relevant right now. they’ve
actually started caring even more about that recently. which is why a lot of
creators have noticed that they don’t get video traffic for more than 48 hours
or at most a week. this is especially true for popular search terms. the window
for trends like fidget spinners shuts fast! so, uh, don’t pull a game theory and do
a video using fidget spinners as a case study for how the algorithm works a
month after the trend has already moved on… that would be a bad idea…
these videos take a long time to make, okay?! it’s not my fault and fidget spinners are
actually a very accurate example for all the points that we’re trying to make in
this episode! just work! just work! I’m just slow, okay? just- just takes a lot of
time to write these videos… it would have been relevant! do as we say, not as we do.
which means that if you want to stay relevant to the YouTube algorithm you
need to be able to create a format of video that allows you to
comment on popular things quickly. again, not game theory. aaabsolutely not game
theory. worst possible video style I could have ever chosen. but, hey, I’m proud
of what we make and we’ve been doing okay 🙂 man, that’s a lot of stuff and it’s still
only the first filter. long focused videos with searchable titles that need
to perform well in the first couple of days. holy cow!
well here’s some good news there are a couple of things you can pretty much
ignore. namely stuff like likes and comments. that’s right! to put it in
Google’s own words: (jesus another quote) “although explicit feedback mechanisms exist on
YouTube (thumbs up/down, etc.) we use implicit feedback. [that means stuff like watch
minutes and searches]… in the model… the choice is based on orders of magnitude
more implicit user history available… where explicit feedback is extremely
sparse.” that means that, compared to the sheer number of views,
searches, and watch time, stuff like likes and comments don’t stack up and don’t
actually give a good indication of what is good and what is bad. so wolfie(raps),
save your voice. when you ask for likes you might be getting the warm
and fuzzies but you sure as heck ain’t sky rocketing up the recommended charts.
so congratulations! your video has made it through the candidate generator
because it’s new, it’s long, it’s searchable, and it targets a specific
demographic. man! and people think this job is easy!
but wait you are still not done! now you’re competing for those top few spots.
how can you bring home the win, or in this case, the click? the ranking neural
network takes all the possible videos from the candidate generator and scores
them based on what it thinks you’re most likely to, not just click on, but to watch
for the longest. it does that by asking how long have other people watched it,
whether you’re already subscribed to that channel, and how many of that
channels previous videos you’ve watched. those last two factors are where this
gets really interesting for us creators and they’re also the two most important
parts. as Google says: “consider the user’s past history with a channel that
uploaded the video being scored – how many videos has the user watched from that
channel? when was the last time the user watched a video on this topic? these
continuous features describing past user actions on related items are
particularly powerful because they generalize well across disparate items.”
if you watch your favorite channel regularly you’re going to see a lot of
videos from that channel recommended for you. but say there’s a channel
where you skip a few videos or you just haven’t watched a few videos on their
topics in a while. all of a sudden you’ll stop seeing that channel in your
recommended feeds, which, for a lot of creators, means the difference of
millions of views. but there’s even a little bit more here, danky my friend.
all these videos at the top are in hot competition so YouTube is always a/b
testing the top 10 or so recommendations. I might get ‘infinite diet coke machine’
as my top video right now but if i refresh the page YouTube might swap that
out for ‘diet coke addicts Anonymous’ another video that I’m very likely to
engage with and one that I probably should engage with… seriously though pull
up a tab with your logged in home page and try it for yourself. those first few
videos are the ones out of all of YouTube that YouTube thinks that you’re
like the most. wait a few seconds and refresh or just pull up the same account
on your phone and you’ll get a slightly rearranged list with a lot of the same
videos, just in a different order. that’s the ranking filter at work. a/b
testing you in real time. so what can you do to stay in it as a creator?
well consistency is more important than ever. if you produce one type of video,
don’t suddenly switch to something else because your subscribers might start
skipping videos which in turn will start filtering your content off their
homepage. this syndrome hit the cover artist scene really hard a couple years
ago. where one channel started vlogging between songs, others bandwagoned to follow
suit and as a result all the channels DIED… because the vlog started to water
down the content that everyone was coming for: the cover songs. it was
basically a case of lemmings: let me follow this person blindly oh
wait now we’re falling off a cliff. in the gaming space it was a different, but
related problem for channels that only covered fnaf (five night’s at freddy’s). it was all well and
good when Scott Cawthon was producing a game like every other week. there was plenty
of content to sustain multiple videos but now that it’s taking more time to
develop games, the channels that built themselves off of fnaf and fnaf alone
don’t have content to fill their slates and slowly those channels start to
wither away *unless* they train their audience to watch stuff that isn’t fnaf
related. also another recommendation: produce content regularly. people can’t
keep watching your videos if you don’t produce them in the first place.
there are very VERY few old channels out there that do a
pretty good job of getting around this system but ones like epic Rap Battles
walk a thin and very dangerous line the first episode of each new season has to
perform. if they hope to retain visibility to the audience after each of
their five month long breaks. and if you thought all that was intense,
get this – the ranking Network already has access to stuff like the words that are
used in the video and how good the thumbnail is! think that kind of thing is
too hard for an algorithm? well think again! YouTube has had a thumbnail
algorithm for YEARS. it recognizes things like the resolution of the image, whether
the thumbnail contains a face, color, styles, all that! it has been training
this algorithm for years now. notice how it’s gotten better at auto-generating
thumbnails? like it used to just take random screenshots at various points
throughout the video. now it tends to select things with a face. sure it’s not
very good but it’s improved because it’s studied thousands upon thousands of
examples of thumbnails created by some of YouTube’s top creators and how many
clicks they’ve gotten in places like recommended and suggested video feeds. on
top of all of that it knows the words you’re using so it can create auto
captions and filter you out of things like the kids app. (or dedicated fans caption a 20 minute long video FOR FUN) (you’re welcome) but don’t think Big
Brother YouTube stops there if you look at what else Google brain has in the works,
which, yes is a legitimate department at Google. “and what do you want to be when you grow up Jimmy?”
“I want to be a member of the Google brain!” it’s creepy. if you look at what else Google brain has in the works it becomes pretty
clear that YouTube would like to be able to decide much more than just whether a
video is good or bad. take for instance Google research blog about quantifying
comedy. that’s right teaching a machine to judge whether a
video is funny or not. you think that’s impossible? well not so fast.
Google is well on its way to gauging the funniness level of a video based on the
words that people are using to describe it in the comment section. are they
loooooling, lolololololing or just plain loling. it certainly matters to
Google which means eventually it could be mattering to us. and finally Google’s
latest project that they just published back in February is about object
recognition in videos. right now all YouTube can really recognize are a few
images and rudimentary shapes. but soon YouTube will know that this
a cat and this is a Matpat and we’ll also be able to follow both of those
things around the screen at all the different angles that we might be facing.
this gives them a massive amount of information about what’s in videos and
could lead to a point where our titles and tags don’t even matter anymore. *boom of realization* while all of this seems intense, and it certainly is, the good part is that if
the system is made right, its unbiased and genuinely shows you what is best for
you based on the data: on what you watch most frequently and what you watch the
longest. it’s a whole new world out there but at least now you know the truth, the
whole truth, and nothing but the truth. from the brain of Google itself
translated by my brain and Steph’s brain to your brain. so go out there and
conquer! I can’t wait to see you on the home page 😀 but hey that’s.. just a bunch of
facts that I translated from a Google engineering paper to help my fellow
creators! thanks for watching!


100 thoughts on “Game Theory: Beyond Fidget Spinners – How to Create a YouTube Trend

  1. 8:10 I'm fairly certain I know what three of those are (the ones on top, from left to right: the channel icon of Numberer1 (one of the best YTP creators currently), "Secret Santa" by Tomska, and one of many videos by GRZ NGT where they apply a bunch of animations to unintended characters)

  2. Don't mess with the YouTube homepage at all. Exclusively use the Subscriptions tab. Watch the channels that you KNOW you like (so much so that you bothered to subscribe), not what YouTube wants you to watch.

  3. Can you do a smash theory again soon also I love these videos. Probably in my opinion is would rather this than gaming.

  4. Loooooooooooool Lmao I love this!!!!!!! Amazing!!!!!!!!! This was soooo good! Loooooooooooooooooooool so fuuuunnny Hahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahahahahah.
    So. There you have it. 100+ more views.

  5. LOL LMAO XD HAHAHAHAHA
    LMFAO XD LOL I AM AMUSED AND I AM LAUGHING LOL LOL XD XD
    But seriously, I love your videos, Mat and Steph! This channel is awesome!

  6. There is actually a thing based on the robot thing with watching stuff its based for comedy where you pay for your laugh based on if the person made you laugh or not puts the idea of money being spent well. But it's actually a crazy and scary thing I believe to think about its insane I understand why but just wow!

  7. That last part about knowing what's in video's sounds scary at first, but if you think about it, it will stop clickbait forever so… YAY!!!

  8. Is there that GT Live algorithm episode spoken about at 2: 28? I tried looking at their Youtube channel but couldn't find it.

  9. I’m a tween girl when I first mad a yt account it all that came up was hair vids and life hacks like WHAT I don’t like that stuff

  10. It took youtube longer than I thought to figure out I'm a Sombra main and and am more likely to click on a video with mention of that character in the title or thumbnail.
    I refuse to believe that youtube can't know everything about what every thumbnail contains.

  11. Heh heh YouTube is like “what has this little girl (don’t ask) watched? Oh wait… she ONLY watches film theory and game theory

  12. Does it affect how YouTube neuronal network sees the watch-time if I watch the video in 2x or 0.25x speed?

  13. I read the title and thought to myself: at the end of the video "Long story short, how to start a YouTube trend: be PewDiePie"

    What is wrong with me?

  14. ive searched for the weirdest topic. I wrote this.
    I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends…*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people…now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and…uh…I'll…uh…send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea…*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans…*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are…anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1…2…3…4…5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now…It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer…so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed…not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey…Okay…now I'm back.
    I don't suppose you fell for that little thing about the refresh button. After all, you're a responsible, intelligent person who apparently has a lot of time on your hands. Well, you can't possibly have more time than I do. I mean, after all, I made this site. You're only browsing it. And most people don't even come here. Not even my friends…*sniffle* The just ignore this poor, pathetic little page. All they do is fill out the TAB form and leave. I think. Maybe they're here right now! HI! HOW ARE YOU DOING? I'M FINE! THANKS FOR COMING! YES, I'M YELLING! Who am I kidding. This page won't get a single hit, unless I bribe people…now that has possibilities. Okay, fill out the TAB form, so I have proof that you bothered to come here and…uh…I'll…uh…send you a sandwich? Please allow 6-8 weeks for delivery. I'm bored. I'm gonna go hug a moose. MOOSE! I love-d you moose! Hey, I'm back again! Yea…*waits for applause* okay! Now I want all you loyal fans…*cricket chirps* to go to the link to see what I'm like. I took a whole bunch of personality quizzes and posted them there. I'm an evil villain, kitty and a freakazoid so far. And I only took the quiz once, too. Spooky how accurate they are…anyway, I command you to go! I'm going. I'm back. I'm gonna start counting how many times I say back. Let's see: 1…2…3…4…5! Wow. I must really be desperate for something to do. I now officially have proof that someone has been here! It was one of my friends. Apparently this page really is getting long, because my friend said something to that effect. Maybe. Anyway, moving on! I'm just basically typing nothing. Just like all those reports people have to do. You know? With a specific number of words. They start out with half that number, and then just fill in words until they have the right amount. I salute those people. You're great tradition is being carried out here, on the second most pointless site ever! Well. Maybe eventually some weird, bored person will wander onto my site on accident and be mildly entertained be my site until they wander onto a live video feed of a coffee maker. Or maybe not. I only know that I'm entertaining me, which was my original goal. So. I've done what I've set out to accomplish. Yea, me! I'm so special. You see, most people, they don't like reading or writing. So if you're not most people, you've made it down this far without skipping, skimming or getting the spark notes version. (Which I think does not exist) My point is, if you've bothered to read this, then, (like me) you probley have also read the ketchup bottle so many times that you have it down verbatim. Look verbatim up. It's a word. But, you should know that, since you like reading. Or maybe you're just skimming. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with reading food labels. You might be asked a question about them on a quiz show. And now, for the million-dollar question: How many calories are there in a single serving of Mustard? I can just see it now…It could be called Know-Your-Food. Or You are What you Eat. It'd probley be as popular as those game shows that no one's ever heard of. Speaking of food, what's up with pie? There's strawberry pie, apple, pumpkin and so many others, but there is no grape pie! I know. I'm just as upset about this unfortunate lack of development in the pie division. Think about it. Grapes are used to make jelly, jam, juice and raisins. What makes them undesirable for pie? Would they dry into raisins? Couldn't you just stick some jelly in a piecrust and bake it? It just doesn't make any sense. Another thing that bothers me is organ grinders. You know, the foreign guys with the bellhop hats and the little music thingy and the cute little monkey with the bellhop hat who collects the money? Okay. They're basically begging on the street. How did they ever afford an organ-thingy? Wouldn't it make more sense to get a kazoo, if you're broke? And if they're so poor, what possessed them to buy a monkey? I mean, I don't think I could afford a monkey, and I'm not exactly on the streets. Obviously I at least have a computer…so, back to the organ grinders. I would have sold the monkey and the organ and been able to eat for at least a year. Or, if I was weirder than I am, I could at least kill the monkey with the organ and eat it. Why on earth did they keep the monkey? It must have cost a fortune to feed…not to mention the mess. That's just one of those many facts of life that are better left mysteries. Especially since no one but me would ask the question. I better go. I think I hear a monkey…Okay…now I'm back.
    now ill tell you who did it.
    idk XD

  15. 6:18 ok enough internet for today. Can someone explain me why Markeplier's vids get like 3 mil klicks and has 23 mil subs BUT german Ytbers get 4 mil or even more (or less) klicks BUT have only 2 mil subs less or more. EDIT: 8-20 mil klicks but have 2-5 mil subs jesus christ.

  16. Someone is always watching. Why are people surprised that internet is watching? The Internet has always been watching before the Internet become the Internet. Paranoia Agent is watching. Your dog is watching. The Mailman is watching. Everyone is watching. You always feel like someone is watching you. It’s not just your fantasy. Everyone is watching y o u. You can’t handle on the law the truth

  17. 20:00
    Oh! This is amazing the best Youtube channel ever created I only want to watch this channel THIS CHANNEL ONLY!!!

  18. I watch a chanel called Tier Zoo sometimes but they take a month to make a single video and they had lots of rapid growth some how.

  19. IS THAT A 30 MINUTE LETS PLAY OF FRIDAY THE 13th?! I’m scared. I’ve been watching a lot of that recently. And I was watching it when this video originally came out…….

  20. Hey Mat you may not read this but I am really grateful to you for ALL your very analytic and well researched information which I watch very often and I seem to really like them thank you for all your time spend teaching people. I can not express how I appreciate it.

  21. I disagree MatPat, rice cakes are far more pleasant than engineering papers. Rice cakes are plain, but they don't offend you. They're just there, a dull blankness on the palette. Engineering and research papers are incomprehensible and painful, yet also boring. Therefore it is like trying to eat a pound of uncooked rice.

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